Sunday, July 31, 2011

Ironic Bullshit

Yea, so I changed my passcode and email a few months back and I didn't remember what I used...FUCK! I finall messed around with it some and I was able to figure it out. That was annoying!
Anyway, so I'm all moved back into Chicago. My place kind of sucks, but it was the only one that would accept my dog. Whatever. I've been seeing X pretty much on a weekly basis still.
I actually got a text from AJ a couple of weeks ago asking if I was still blocking her, lol. That lead to us going out again for a short time, but I absolutely could not keep myself in a relationship knowing that I can't stop X. I didn't tell her that, of course, I kind of made her break up with me. That's really sad in more ways than one. I think I'm seeing myself more like a sick individual lately. It seems like I've really decided that as long as I can't stop X, I won't let myself be in a relationship. I can't do that to someone again, and can't put myself in that position again. I won't do it.
I need to either stop now, or be single until I do. That's the ONLY way anything is ever going to work with me. I miss AJ. I feel like texting her. She wanted to hang out this past weekend. I told her I could not. Why? You know why. It's very sad. I'm very sad.
When I saw her last, she had matured as well. She no longer drinks every day and no longer feels the need to go out all of the time. It's like she is more like I wanted her to be now. Un-fucking-believable.