The Pool of Dual

Holy shit it's been a long time!  I've started a paper journal again, and since I'm in this situation what I'm going to do is post what I can't post on paper here.  I shall call this "The Book of Darkness" and my paper journal "The Book of Light", reflecting the duality of our existence.
What's going on?  Well, I just moved in to an awesome apartment.  This is changing my mood (and my dog's mood).  That old place was literally the second worst place I've ever lived in.  I can't believe I didn't kill myself while I was stuck there.  To make things worse at that place, the power company cut my electricity off and I was left there without electricity for a month and a half.  It sucked.  HOWEVER, I DID manage to um..."spike" some electricity from across the hall to use sometimes.  Yup, I'm pretty badass.
I moved in with a friend I've known from work for years.  He's a real good guy.  He's gay and was worried about me wanting to room with him, lol!  Little does he know...
I've not slowed down my binges.  I'm still doing everything I can to be able to keep it up.  I took a payday loan out to pay my security deposit.  That's really bad.  But what's worse is that I spent some of it on you know what.  I'm a fucked up badass.
HOWEVER, I think I've got it under control enough to know not to overdo it.  If I could just work as much as I did when I had overtime (they cut all my overtime), then I could just keep it just at this level, which part of me is okay with.  The other part of me says I'm just making excuses just like any other addict.  Once again, the duality of our existence.