Cold Theme

I've been trying to post on here lately, but I've been too damn depressed to even do that. Even though I'm up to 30mg now on the Prozac, this depression is getting worse. Despite "demands" from my therapist to go to NA meetings, find a sponsor and to tell X that it's over, I've not done anything. I've kept the weekly binge schedule, although we did less this weekend, but that's not making a difference. The fact that I could not resist is what's bringing me down, I'm quite sure. I got fucked up on Friday, and Saturday was my best friend's Halloween party, which I skipped because I was feeling like shit. I told myself I would not miss her party. I failed.

This is not me. This is not who I am. I've not gone to the gym. I'm walking around with an angry frown on my face whenever I'm outside. I don't like this at all.

To make matters worse, my shitty ass building has been without hot water for the last 2 days. I fucking hate this place. I guess the 3 weeks without cooking gas wasn't enough. And this stupid ass bitch who moved in upstairs (who walks loudly and constantly on the hardwood floors) is irritating me. I looked like the hot water heater got fixed last night because I tested it and the water was no longer freezing like the water from the cold side. So what does this dumbfuck upstairs do? She runs the fucking water all night thinking that's going to help it heat up! When I woke up, she was still running the fucking water, so I had to fill my tub up pan by pan of boiling water. By the time there was enough for me to get in, I noticed the hot water was finally starting to work again.

I'm seriously thinking about moving down to FL again.