Karmageddon

Shit, it's been a while! Towards the end of 2011, I told myself that 2012 would be THE year I break free (yes, I realize it's only 5 days into the year, but I've gone 20 without seeing Mr. X!). So far, so good, but as every addict knows, the chances of stumbling are always high...no pun intended. The few weeks before the last time I got fucked up with him were full of inner turmoil. It was pretty much an all-out battle between good and evil inside my mind. But this last effort on my part, I can honestly say, has been the strongest ever. The Prozac has taken full effect by now & I've been chanting consistently and have been seeing the results. There has even been a couple of times when I give in, but by some divine force, my plans to see him are foiled. Call me crazy, but I think all that practice I've been doing in Buddhism has been protecting me. My therapist actually convinced me to go back to practicing even with my skepticism. I'm back because I know it works, and right now I NEED something that works!

I do believe that spirituality in in general, whatever it may be, is one of the only things capable of getting through something like this. Reading "The Secret", I learned that we DO in fact create our own realities. But there was that one thing missing to account for the "bad" things that happen even if all you've been doing is positive. That one thing is karma. It all makes sense now. You create your own reality, but not without the help of past karma.