Wow, longest break ever

I was wondering if fucking google would even let me into my account now that they've taken over everyone else since I last wrote.  Well, I'm glad I'm able to come back and give a long needed update.  Sorry for the long break.  I think maybe I was thinking that if I stayed away from writing about it, then maybe I would be less likely to do it.  Or maybe I was just fucking baked (like I am right now & am usually nowadays whenever I'm not at work) and too lazy to lift a finger.  Who knows.  Oh wait, I remember now.  Yea, fucking pervert snooping fuckers, that's why.  Anyway, all I know is that even if I DO (or have, or whatever we're calling this) "beat" coke addiction once and for all, I STILL have other psychological addictions which have developed in the meantime. 
Today I find myself extremely depressed.  My life pretty much revolves around getting fucked up, eating, as much sex as possible, and sleeping.  If I didn't work, I'd be stoned 100% of the time, more than likely.  I'm stuck.  I'm sailing in circles endlessly.  I don't know what the fuck to do and even if I did, I probably could not figure out how to do it!  I'm alive, but not living at all. 
I guess I'll throw in some good shit too though, because it DOES exist. 
I've been going out with the same girl from work for almost a year and a half now & things are still pretty good.  She is someone who truly has a good heart, and has also been through hell.  I'm pretty hopeful with her because she's just about as much of a freak as I am (like for real...almost), and she is very good at staying cool when we disagree.  I've found this to be crucial (thanks in part to my psychotic ex). 
I've also gotten to a point where I'm chanting on a fairly regular basis (she chants too - BONUS!).  And, the sex is some of the best I've ever had.  I'm telling you, she's a freak! 
So, those things are going better than usual. 
But anyway, I know that she's getting sick of my idling, and I can't blame her.  I'm sick of it too.  We're trying to make plans to move in together (she has two kids too) and get the hell out of here and probably down to FL (I've actually missed that place - go figure).  I'm really trying to get my shit together.  I was really skeptic about the whole idea of us all moving in together at first mainly because of the boy.  He was very aggressive towards me in the beginning & I didn't think that was going to be resolved.  But we chanted about it, and amazingly, we're friends now!  I'm trying to really keep my practice strong because I know it's been helping me slowly come back to doing the things I know I have to do. 
But SEX is my weakness, and it has been instrumental in bringing me back to my crazy secret life.  The lure of the intense pleasure is too much.  It just literally feels too good. 
Oh yea, and X.  He has since been out of work (disability) and so has been broke.  As a result, our partying days have been reduced dramatically.  We're lucky if it happens once a month.  Once in a blue moon, I will go off on my own & hit the slopes, but not often.  Does this mean I have this under control now?  Probably not, but I suppose it's still an improvement, even if it's not my own doing (or is it?  I chanted a lot). 
So, I guess I'm okay, but not okay.  Okay?  Okay.