Life of illusion

Last night was our first out-of-state gig. It went pretty well, especially compared to our last one. Yet, again, we ended up playing to a handful of people. They were dancing though, and we got compliments. As usual, the venue ripped us off by telling us one thing and doing another. We didn't even get enough to cover our fuel costs.
We're a good band, and I definitely think we can survive by doing this, but I still question whether I really want to any more. Is it good music? Yes, in fact it's above average. But is it groundbreaking or the stuff of legends? I doubt it.
Perhaps I am getting old and waning something else over this. But I think it's the very fact that I have not been able to FIND what I want due to my lifestyle. I want to have a special someone for the rest of my life and possibly raise a kid or two...yea, one is plenty. But I also have developed this liking for being a coke whore. The two are simply not compatible, which is why my relationships always eventually fail. The band is a shield from that pain. It's the "replacement". But then again, when I'm NOT in a band, I miss it. I'm rambling. I need to go back to sleep.