Misery

I thought I had shaken it off last week, but apparently not. I've been in a pretty deep depression lately and I'm not recovering as quickly as I've learned to lately.
I still miss the hell out of AJ & think about her constantly, but I know for sure it will never work now. I'm also feeling very much alone up here in this town. DS has become less friendly to me lately and I'm not sure why. He is down as well because the band situation feels like it's grinding along very slowly, which of course affects me too. Then there's my toe. I've gone for a run exactly twice sine I moved up here because my toe still hurts from when I kicked my garbage can (steel) after one of the last incidents with AJ. I've not been able to do any cardio stuff because of it and that was one of my biggest defense strategies against my depression. I did join a health club finally, so at least I'm doing some exercise, which helps some. DS is really the only person I know up here, and in my state I'm not really in a mindset to meet new people.
I've been smoking LOTS of weed, mostly to escape my depression and anger. I'll be okay, but I'm a bit uneasy about how long it's taking me to get out of this particular funk. Oh yea, and to top things off today, my dog vomited all over my car 10 seconds before I opened the door to let him out. Awesome.
I've still been seeing LH (from work) at least once a week. She's trying really hard to build a serious relationship with me, but I just can't do it because I'm just not THAT into her AND I'm still very much in love with AJ.
I'm still seeing Mr. X a few times a month and we do our little binges. It seems like even that is getting old lately. Maybe that's a good thing.
There's a girl who is a social worker at one of the places we go to at work that I'm gaga over. Her face and voice are both very similar to a beautiful girl that I went out with in college. I keep thinking "why put another girl through the pain of dealing with me?". Well, an LTR is a longing that I have and will probably never lose. I'm SO sick of being alone. Really really sick of it.