Monday, September 12, 2011

Please, not again

It's certainly feeling like I'm slipping back again. X wasn't available until Sunday night over the weekend, so I broke down and called my old dealer (who is an ass to me), half expecting not to hear back from him. Well, he got back and I bought. So now I'm starting to buy my own shit in addition to what X gives me...just like back in '08. I'm fucking scared.
I did the shit I bought and hired a hooker who did some with me. She was okay, but nothing special. Then I found some guys on the website. This was Saturday. Then, just as I'm starting to recover, BAM! Now I'm partying with Mr. X. In anticipation of being fucked up today, I called Sunday and cancelled today's appointment with my new therapist. What a great start I'm off to. I'm at a complete loss. I really don't know what to do any more. Any serious suggestions (especially from former addicts) would be appreciated. I feel like I've tried everything except for actual rehab. My best friend suggested outpatient rehab, but I'm not exactly sure how that works. I imagine you have to go through the emergency room first, which is not an option for me because the chances of me being recognized at any of them are high.
My life appears, once again, to be revolving around coke. This is bad. Very bad.


Patrycja said...

Hi - I wouldn't go as far to call myself a former addict but there was a period in my life where I was taking too many drugs too often. I packed all my stuff and moved to Berlin (Germany). It has been very hard but surely you know it is not going to be easy if you want shit to stop.

Coke Addiction Kinda Sucks said...

Hey there! Thanks for your comment. I've considered moving out of the country as well!

Anonymous said...

I wish I had some suggestions for you, but even as someone who isn't an addict - I sometimes cancel or skip my therapist appointments.

It doesn't help that I don't trust mine for shit.

You could try rehab, but that works differently for everyone.

"Outpatient rehab centers are ideal for those with moderate cases of drug and alcohol addiction, who do not have a long history of trying to stay sober. Outpatient rehab centers are also a viable alternative for those with functional jobs, the primary caretakers of small children and those who have an extensive social support network. In addition, outpatient rehab centers may also serve the needs of those who have been through residential or inpatient treatment and are now looking for an outpatient aftercare solution."

"Many of the outpatient rehab centers will offer some of the following services:

Individual therapy
Group therapy
12-step work
Alcohol and drug education
Spirituality group
Men's group
Women's group
Relapse prevention
Short and long-term aftercare
Life skills
Re-socialization skills
Pharmacological treatment
Mental health treatment
Drug screening
Legal system advocacy
Affiliations with sober living houses"

It's a bunch of stuff I Googled when I read that someone mentioned outpatient rehab and I know that's probably different than the outpatient stuff I do for my crazyness.

I hope you're able to get past this, if this is what you really want, you'll get it. Just hold strong. said...

What happened to trying an NA/AA meeting? This is a good CA meeting:

Monday, 8:00 p.m.
615 West Wellington
(Wellington Church basement)