Sunday, April 22, 2012

Stoned Loc

Got two baggies of coke last night, then skipped along all the way to my Buddhist meeting I was going to MC. The meeting went well & even though I'm a coke head, it does me good and I'm absolutely determined to keep my practice up no matter what.  I'm kind of learning to accept all my flaws as well as my good aspects.  It's a minor change in the way I think, but I may be on to something!
I originally got the shit so I could put an ad out (which I did) and whore myself out while I tweek.  By the time I finished all of the first one, nobody had responded so I decIided to just do the rest watching porn.  I came after doing the last oversized line, so it was worth it at least, lol!
And I've been really considering being a sex worker regularly.  I suspect that that would not be a step in the direction of "good", but I DO need the money BAD!  This is the part of me that just wants to say "fuck you!  I enjoy doing coke and I have it under a good deal of control. But I also know that if I do that, I will do more coke.  Fuck.  The forces of dark and light have come to a head.  Makes you really wonder if this really IS our last year of existence.  Fucking Mayans!
I'm stoned.


Gledwood said...

Don't you find coke ridiculously short-acting and weak?

Why don't you switch to crystal meth instead?

Just wondering...

Coke Addiction Kinda Sucks said...

I've done meth and I love the high, but it leaves me feeling absolutely miserable for the next 3-4 days. Just not worth it. Thanks for the suggestion though :)

Snow Queen said...

Crystal meth is awful, I found the comedown rotten too, and is a bathtub product....I would not advise it either!

Btw I am with you there, know what it is like, have been cutting down on the sex work and got things relatively under control, as you saw I am looking for another income but to hell I enjoy doing coke as well...the more money you have the more you do...makes it hard to save anything. I patted myself on the back for buying a new pair of shoes last week rather than a bag, put things off til the weekend then bought one intending to save most, got through it too quickly then went and bought another and found some guys when I went out with some friends, ended at an after party at theirs...but I went without for two weeks and had the dealer not called me I would have put things off for a few days but I can be weak like that...all the best to you x