AJ and I got together yet again for the very last time around Xmas 2010. Long story short: We got back, she told me she wanted me to move in with her, but I saw some contradictions in her behavior which suggested otherwise. The red flag was when she asked me if I could help her bring some furniture to her house that someone had given to her. "Hmmm..." I asked, "where are we going to put all of MY stuff? It's already pretty tight in here". She danced around the question and from that point I knew something was up. So, we spent xmas together and hung out a few more times before the typical fight broke out. This time, I got criticized and belittled for letting her know that LH (psycho bitch from work) was stalking me. Ironically, the reason I made it a point to tell her was because I promised to tell her more about what's going on in my life. No good deed unpunished, right? Anyway, we broke up shortly after, then she sent me a text saying that she never planned on having me move in anyway and that she was still in love with the guy she told me she was broken up with. I replied with quite a nasty bite and told her to erase my number from her phone and that I no longer have the desire to even be friends with her. After I sent the txt, I blocked her on all means of contact. We've had no contact since.
And, of course, I must answer the question "Am I still doing coke?". The answer is "yes". And I also still see Mr. X. A few times a month, so it could be much worse.
Currently, the music project is going horribly & I'm in a pretty deep depression. I'm becoming pretty isolated from the rest of the world most of the time. I've been smoking lots of herb and staying in.
I started to see another girl from Milwaukee not too long ago, and spent lots of cash on her, but it didn't work out. She ended up not having the curves I crave. Shallow, I know.
I'm pretty lonely and miserable lately. I didn't even get myself to go to the gym today. I keep thinking I could have just hired a whore instead of spending all that money for nothing. I'm still thinking about getting one, but I've been keeping in mind that I've got more important things to save my money for. Sometimes I don't care. A whore shure would be good right now.
I'm feeling old & trapped again. I've done very little chanting I'm lucky if I get one morning gongyo in each day.
2 comments:
Is Mr X the same as Mr E? I used to LOVE LOVE LOVE EEEEEEEEE ECSTASY yum yum yum i got the BEST high off that, WAY higher than crack ever took me and i nearly killed myself a couple of times piping too much so i know the h-bomb feeling you get off a decent pipe...
... my ex wanted me to move in with her, in a new place in Bristol we were going to do it but she had endless stories of chucking people out and I remember thinking "just you try that number on me" her ex before me used to sleep out in the rubbish bins bit. Fuck that I would hitch back to London before I slept in her garden. Or break the fucking windows. And yes we had beautiful Krakatoan rows. Best thing... OK not the best but the best negative thing about relationships is the slanging matches, doncha think? Never met a woman yet I couldn't bring down in flames during a verbal fight. Every single thing she said I'd pop pop pop... and whizzbang spiralling like a WWII spitfire it bit the dust.
Telling her she's a grown woman. That one demolishes "little girl" behaviour right off.
I hope you're getting some good relationship tips from the expert. I have a string of unhappy broken ones behind me, ones where i never ever speak to them ever again...
... fucking hell is life really this miserable?
Anyway you sound chirpy enough. Considering. I'm on antimanic meds but I'm skipping tonights dose as I could do with some "free psychiatric coke" tomorrow night when I start going off on one (as I probably will so come to my blog for a good laugh; if I do go manic I'll post it hour by hour I get so hyper and so fast it really is like free coke. Its just the arguments i cause and the devastation that's bad. But I WANT SOME FUN!!!!!
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