Bluer Than Midnight

My current bout of depression finally seems to be letting up today. Ones that last days have become rare, but this was certainly that. About a week ago, I doubled my dosage of Prozac because I felt a bout coming on.
While in this state, I found myself rightfully worried about my ability to function at my new job. In the past, I've called in sick if severe depression hits me on a day I have to work. I HATE having to do that, but I really don't know what else to do. I'm not talking about your regular run-of-the-mill depression here. There is a long history of unipolar depression and suicide on my dad's side of the family. I have to admit that those thoughts did cross my mind from time to time this week. When I start thinking of how I'm going to do it - that's when it gets scary. I know exactly what has lead to this latest outbreak though.
When I got here, I feel like life had offered me a "clean slate". However, I've found myself starting to lie & make up stories again to cover up my lifestyle. I don't feel comfortable at all like that & of course it's only going to get worse if I keep going like this. I've used GH as an excuse to go out the last couple times and get fucked up. It's perfect because I have an excuse to not have to come back until morning. The truth is that I've only seen her a couple times & honestly I don't think it's going to work out. Last night, NS came into town & we got a room again. I told GH that I was going out of town. We had a lot of fun for sure, but I really don't like to be dishonest. It makes me feel like shit.
Today, I've pretty much just laid around recovering from last night. I'm hoping that once I start working, it will force me to get back into "recovery" mode. I know I'm going to be found out sooner or later if I keep this up. It's inevitable.