The Empire Strikes Back

Okay, so this last little episode has got my will weakened. Shortly after, I'm back online looking to go skiing. I'm speaking to someone that seems promising. I talked to him earlier and he told me he would call me back within an hour or so. I've got $50 left to my name, and I'm planning on blowing it all tonite for some fun. I don't even know how I'm going to get through next week without any money, but I know I will manage somehow. It's been almost 2 months since I've done anything. I'm rationalizing that I should let myself have a little fun. I guess we'll see how it goes. These skiing arrangements rarely actually work out. I won't lie - I really hope it does!

Leading to where I am now

(In a nutshell) It all started about 3 years ago when my fuck-buddy (Mr. X) decided to introduce me to cocaine. I remember it like it was yesterday (sorry for the cliche, but it's true). I was very hesitant, but he said "Oh, it's no big deal - just try a little bit". I was already stoned and horny, so I decided "what the hell". He offered me half a line. I snorted it, and I felt my body tingling and a rush of energy and EXTREME horniness! I loved it instantly. Since then, we used coke every time we had sex, which was once or twice a week.



As time went by, the amount we used slowly increased. I wanted more because it was taking more of it for me to reach that incredible high. After a while, it was not even about the sex anymore. It was about how much coke I could get away with doing.



When I moved in with this girl I met, my use increased sharply because she did it as well. I never thought it would happen to me, but my life began to revolve around cocaine. My already crippled social life became virtually non-existant, my healthy habits (eating right, working out, meditating) all flew out the window. I must make a point here that part of why I did not think this would happen to me was because of all the bullshit propaganda we're fed concerning marijuana. I knew that most of it was b.s., so I figured the shit you hear about cocaine was also a bunch of lies. I found out it's not - the hard way.



After years of abusing this incredibly seductive drug, I decided to try and break free once and for all. I told the girl I was moving out (and she went psycho on me - another story), packed my shit and moved to Florida to stay with my mom until I got my shit together.



So, here I am. It's been a month since I got out of Chicago, and I've been doing surprisingly well so far. I've got a job that I really enjoy and I'm getting back into shape. But, as they say, you can run, but you can't hide