mementos mori
2 years ago
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Narcotics Anonymous
I went to my first NA meeting on Thursday. It went really well and I felt pretty comfortable. There was no religious crap going on or anything like that. It was just a bunch of recovering addicts trying to help each other out. The general consensus is that it works. I'm definitely going back. This may actually be what I've been needing. They focus on personal issues, with the drug addiction being a SYMPTOM of them. I've got nothing to lose & in fact, I think I may make some friends there (something I need badly!). The stage is set for friendships because we are all there with a common problem and goal. I accepted a white key chain, which was a promise to myself not to use for that day. I DID make it though the rest of the day, BUT at 12:31am the next morning, I was using again, lol. My ex is in town, so we have been planning this "party" for some time now. It actually did not go anywhere near as well as planned - mainly because this is probably the worst time for her to have come visit. I was so fucking stressed out by my home situation that I had a very hard time keeping my mind off of it. My friend in Pompano said that he could get us more shit for tonight if we wanted. I'm not sure what to do. Well, I know what I SHOULD do, but I don't know what I WILL do. Baby steps, I guess.
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3 comments:
Don't rely on those meetings- they don't work for most. Of course there are exceptions to every rule (3% of attendees in this case, that is the 12-step program success rate, nice huh!) but for the most part it's a group of folks sitting in a circle whining to other folks, they feel like they are "all the same" because of ONE common interest- drugs of some sort. Shit, most junkies don't even get along with crackheads! You won't get along with folks just cause you both used to do drugs- that's just silly, but trust me it's what they think. "We are all the same, we understand." It's a buncha shit! Like me and you for example: we are both drug addicts, in fact I like coke (powder) a lot too only I put it into my body in a different way :) but still, we are both coke addicts. So according to the NAzis, we are exactly the same. Well I bet we have tons of problems, even if you only focus on problems that are related to drug addiction. Like, I'm having trouble with resenting my unborn baby for "forcing" me to quit doing drugs and to change every aspect of my life. That's a drug related "issue" (tho I hate that word issue, no one just has fuckin' PROBLEMS anymore I guess) but it's one I bet you don't share. Everyone is different, tho we may have similarities that doesn't mean that "NA folks understand" just cause they like drugs too. It's a big whiny heap of bulldookie.
Just my opinion though, hell if you are one of the 3% then more power to ya! But judging by you going to the meeting, picking up yer white chip, then blowing lines the next night... yeah. NA doesn't work, they claim to be the only way but it's crap. If ya wanna quit enough you will, if you don't wanna quit enough you won't- regardless of how many whiny circles you sit thru.
Lol, I was WONDERING if that's who you were refering to as the Nazi's. Why "Nazis" though? They did not seem like fascists:P I'm still going to go and see what happens. If anything, maybe I'll find a connection that lives closer than 20 miles away, lol. Yea, I just like that shit WAY too much!
Relying on anything OUTSIDE of yourself for happiness is just another addiction.
That being said, I go to AA even though I'm a crackhead. Why? Because they have more sobriety and seem to have figured out how to stay sober.
Eventually you'll see that most people in the rooms SUCK. It's just the same people you were getting high with, but without the drugs and alcohol to make them slightly interesting or even tolerable.
Personally, I'm trying to find happiness from within so that I don't have to rely on meetings to get me through. Until I learn how to do that, I'll keep coming back.
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