Completely out of control

I fucked up big time. My ex made the mistake of letting me hold on to the blow intended for this weekend. Well, guess what. Yea, ALL of it. It started with "I'm just going to do one good line, then leave the rest alone. Bullshit. After I got the highest high, I kept chasing it relentlessly until I finished all four fucking bags! I'm extremely pissed at myself right now & severely depressed. The good news is that I've found a way to replace the shit for the weekend. The bad news is that it's going to fuck me in the ass financially. My bank account will go into the negatives, and everyone knows what happens from there. So far, I don't see a way to stop it from happening. This is proof that I cannot do this on my own. After my binge, I called my friend, TL, who is an ex-addict. She strongly suggested that I go to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. I'm going to take her advice. I can't keep doing this shit. It's killing me inside. I don't even feel like a likable person any more. I'm so disconnected from everyone and it seems like all I care about is getting fucked up. I don't want to be that kind of person. I hate myself right now, and that's no way to live. I know that the situation here at home is not helping, but it's still no excuse.