This has been a very strange week. On Sunday night, I decided that I did not want to wait any longer, so I started looking online again for partiers in the area. And, who did I see that was online? NS. Within about 40 seconds of chatting, we decided that we should hook up that very night. I told him I'd pay for the motel room if he got more shit. I was certainly very excited about this, so I got the room about 4 hours before he was to arrive. He actually got there before I expected (which is extremely rare for him). By the time he got there, I was fiending something fierce! The first line he made was huge & I vacuumed it up as usual. Well, it was the same thing over again. The first couple of hours were pretty kickass, then towards the end, I kept trying to chase the high by doing more. This time, something happened that freaked me out. I actually got so fucked up that I could barely move. I just laid there on the bed & asked him to bring another line (thinking for some stupid reason that it would help). I did another & it did nothing. I started feeling really weird & I could hear myself starting to talk incoherently. After about 10 minutes of that, I started to feel something that felt like nausea, but I was not sure if that's what it was. Well, about 2 minutes after that, my theory proved to be right. I started throwing up. It took me so much by surprise that I did not make it to the toilet in time. I threw up 6 or 7 times, then I could not even get up. I had to crawl to the bed because I had no balance & could not see straight at all. After that, I just laid there with my hands over my face while I gasped. I honestly don't know if I was trying to cry or trying not to, but it came out as gasps, lol. I can't remember ever being that fucked up. When there's still shit left and I don't use it, you KNOW I'm fucked up as hell! I have to be grateful that I really was not in much pain though - physically anyway. Meanwhile, another set of events were starting to unfold at the home front.
My uncle has been having pretty severe back pain lately and has been given strong pain killers. They also want to do some tests on him tomorrow (which is the day they are supposed to leave). They still planned on taking the trip - only they would wait after he got the tests done. However, this morning my aunt began having really bad migraines which subsided by the time we ate dinner...or so we thought. I guess the gods felt that I had not experienced enough vomit this week. After eating, she drank some water that was apparently too cold, and it set off the migraine symptoms with a vengeance. I saw her start to run to the bathroom, as my mind flashed back to Sunday night. She did not make it either, and guess who was going to have to clean up...ding-ding-ding! Bingo! Luckily I'm pretty used to this sort of stuff because of my job, so it was not that big of a deal.
So, they've decided to cancel their trip. I'm not sure if I should feel glad that I ended up partying early or not. Either way, I'm kind of disappointed. Partying aside, I was just looking to have the place to myself for a week. That would have been pretty cool. But, I'm a beggar at this point, so I cannot be a chooser. And, that's definitely not a good combination of illnesses to have on a long road trip.
I was also informed that the sale of the property in FL is probably not going to happen. I guess I've been sort of naive about the situation (I've never done this before), but my realtor set me straight. The guy who is supposed to be the buyer has gotten turned down 3 times by the banks already for a loan. Well, I guess in Real-Estate-World, it's pretty much an in-vain effort if you are turned down even once. I had a hell of a good deal too on the place I was going to buy. Oh well, fuck it. Everything happens for a reason, right?
I could not help but notice, once again, that as soon as my mindset went back into "druggie" mode, everything just seemed to start going wrong again. Maybe I'm just being superstitious, but then again, maybe there's something to this shit. I'm more towards believing that there is. The same exact goddamn thing happened in FL.
I've also noticed that, just from that one day binge, my body is not responding the same. My vision is still kind of weird, I'm very tired, my mind is slow & I cannot work out as vigorously as I've been lately (trust me - I tried!). I think I actually started to like myself again before Sunday night. I think I like that feeling. I want more of it. But can I resist next time?
2 months ago