Saturday, September 13, 2008

How many times can I move in one year?

This is supposed to be the last weekend I spend here, but I'm guessing it may not be. My aunt is probably pissed at me that I have not called her since I was down there. I haven't done so because I'm very apprehensive about moving in there. First, I've had it in my head that wherever I go, I end up fucking things up for everyone around me, and I don't want to do that to them as well. I was doing a lot of thinking about that theory earlier, and I've decided that it is not true. I've decided that I'm just a VARIABLE that when added to an equation, inevitably changes things. Sometimes those changes are painful, but I think that for the most part, they are for the better. The most recent (when I stayed with my mom and Asshole) sucked royal, but I think that I went into an already fucked up situation, and I was the variable that was needed for the mistake to be realized. Also, I need to realize that I've stayed in places where the people were happy to have me there and it actually improved things immediately (as with my dad). The second reason I'm worried about moving down with my aunt is just plain boredom. Even though I don't even go out very much, I know that at least here I can walk out the door and walk somewhere and just see interesting stuff. Down there is a much smaller town (although it IS a college town). The area they live in is not within walking distance of the more lively areas. Still, I know these are just excuses. I WILL have access to a car, and there's other ways to get around too. I know it's best to go. It's just kinda hard to leave now. I truly DO dread having to move yet AGAIN.
Last night was party night for MU and I, of course. The shit she got turned out to be very weak, which was a big disappointment for both of us. Still, we made the best of it, but went through it pretty fast.
It's been raining all morning and day here & has not stopped. It's a good night to just stay in and watch movies and goof around on the web.

1 comment:

Carrion Doll said...

good luck no matter what you choose. i know that deep inside you know what the right choice is. the rest is just excuses. i know that thinking all to well.