Depress Mode

The shit finally got to us last night around 8pm. MU had to drive over there to pick it up, and came back with a single bag, which supposedly was 3 in 1. It did not look like that to me, but whatever - I was fiending bad & I knew that was enough. I will say that it was more pure than usual, but that did not stop me from making huge-ass lines, as usual. We partied for about 4 hours and had some great power exchange sex. What's really cool is that "the man" felt so bad for having MU wait so long, that he's going to hook us up this weekend with 3 more at the price of just the one he owes us. Bonus!

Other than that, my life has still been pretty depressing. I still have not found a job, although I've been looking half-heartedly. It's kind of discouraging when you know that the government is going to take about 40% of your fucking paycheck (I get an extra 10% garnished for unpaid school loans). But I HAVE been looking. I noticed that my old job (which I vowed never to return to because they treat their employees like shit) is hiring. It has been very humiliating that I'm actually considering going back. At least I would be able to work as a professional again & not some entry-level bullshit job. I've also considered nannying...or becoming a "manny" as they call it. The pay would be unmatched even if I worked at my ex-employer's - mainly because it would be cash. But doing that shit, especially as a guy in his 30's is just not something I would be comfortable with. Either way, I'm gonna have to swallow my fucking pride in some way.

I talked to my dad earlier & told him, again, that I plan on moving back to Chicago. He told me again that he really does not want me to come back & that he really needed me there. I feel so bad about this. I know my mom feels the same way, but she knows how much I dislike living in FL, so she understands. Why is life so friggin complicated? I know I have to do what's best for me right now, even though it's selfish. I've been battling severe clinical depression since I was a teenager & I swear that lately, it feels like all my efforts have been in vain. I've actually had suicidal thoughts pop into my head. Not cool. MU suggested that I go back on Prozac. I think she's probably right.