Well, it would have been, could have been worse than you would ever know

So, as you can tell from my last post, the crave hit me like a sucker punch. I did end up making a connection that actually materialized. It started off with a bang. The guy I met insisted that putting the coke inside of a cigarette with some tobacco was the best way to do it. Well, I took a few puffs and felt a rush, but not like the normal snorting kind of rush. This was BAD! I felt really light-headed, and then had to make a run to meet the Porcelain God. That's when I decided that snorting would be the way to go. Other than that little incident, the first hour or so was great. I was in "the zone" and everything was great. But after that, the same things started happening as used to happen 2 months ago when I was hardcore. I began caring more about the coke than the sex, and just wanted to consume more and more. I ended up doing about the same amount that I was doing 2 months ago, which really kicked my ass! Towards the end, I was on the verge of tears. He wanted me to stay there until he was sure I could drive, but I just had to get out of there, so I left. On my way home, I tried calling RM, but there was no answer. It was about 6:30am here, which would make it 5:30 in Chicago. I then called ML because I needed to talk to someone and I had to straighten shit out with her anyway. I asked her if she could come over, and she did. When she got here, I told her that I had done coke and she was upset. I told her that the reason I did it was because I was upset about her lying to me about her age (I did not mention the other alleged accusations). She immediately became very defensive and said that she never discussed her age with me, even though I recall her telling me she was 37 (although, I'm honestly not sure that even took place). We got into our first argument, and it was ugly for some time. After laying next to each other, we were able to look past it and ended up having incredible sex. I mean INCREDIBLE sex!! Afterwards, we even had ourselves laughing so hard we were crying. All in all, I think this was a positive day. I'm glad that my little coke fiasco went badly. I'm even glad I threw up. Perhaps I've developed a taste aversion! So I fell off the bandwagon - big deal. It happens to everyone. As long as I am committed to improving my life, I will be just fine. As far as ML, my gut feeling is that she is a good person trying to do her best in life.