Mizzoth to the Flizzame

So, I went out with this girl last night. We went to grab some drinks & then to see a movie ("Role Models" - it's funny as shit - see it!). Anyway, she seemed pretty nervous the whole time, but I think I did a good job of calming her down. This is a "guy" version of the story, so it's short & to the point. We were holding hands by the time we said good-night & said we'd go out again soon. I even got a text from her when I got home saying that she had a great time. So we're all good, right? WRONG! I sent her a text today just wishing her a good day at work - nothing elaborate (I'm not one of those clingy people - I just wanted to say hi & say something nice). I have not heard from her at all. Weird. Oh, well. It was nice anyway to just hang out with someone who is NOT family, lol.
Earlier today I did get a text from MU. She said that her trip to IA was cancelled, so I suggested she drive down here instead & we could get a room. Yea, she did not hesitate at all to accept my offer! So I've booked for Saturday & she's bringin' the party favours. So, why am I going to party with my ex two days before I start my new job? Because I have a fascination with anything akin to playing with fire. I have it in my head that I have to burn in order to feel "normal". Is it really the case? Or am I just so used to it that it feels right?
I spent 5 hours on Monday filling out paperwork, giving them my urine and blood, taking physical tests & all kinds of other shit. I was very proud to get my badge (no, I'm not a cop!), yet I'm willing to risk it all for a few hours of intense dirty nasty coke-enhanced sex. Shit - even writing the previous sentence turns me on, and at the same time makes me feel guilty. Maybe I'm just thinking too much about it. I'm even having some intermittent thoughts about getting back with MU.