I'm at the tail end of my bronchitis bout. I could have probably worked out today, but hey - I'm taking it easy.
So I get this message out of the blue in my e-mail box from this girl from a dating website I've not paid much attention to. I usually don't think much of these messages when they come because they are usually from someone at least 400 miles away. This girl is actually in the same town. So, we exchanged a couple of messages and ended up IMimg for a while tonight. Towards the end of the convo, she asked if I wanted to do something on Wednesday night. I said that would be great. Now, part of me is asking why the fuck I'm even considering going on a date with her. Maybe I'm trying to test myself again. Let me explain.
I'm insane. Don't get me wrong, I'm not insane as in "I'm a serial killer", but I'm certainly not what most people would consider a "pillar of society". I've had sex with more people than most male rock stars and I've done just about as many drugs. I'm basically a rock star, minus the rock stardom, fame & money. And, I'm used to dating women who are rather psychotic themselves. I was bitten a long time ago & there's just no turning back...or is there? I guess that's my problem with this whole thing.
I'm trying to start something again with a "normal" girl. I HAVE tried this before & I know that the only way for it to actually work is for me to become "normal". Judging on past experience, I would conclude that that is improbable. It's funny, this girl says in her profile that she does not want to date any "freaks" - LMAO! She also states that she wants someone that can "deal with life's troubles". Well, I DO "deal" with them - just not as effectively as other people (plus my way just seems more interesting, lol). I suspect that I may just be one of those people who need more stimulation than average. That would explain a LOT.
Anyway, my point is that I think that I'm doing this to try and stabilize my life as well as for companionship. I try to convince myself that maybe now that I'm older, I can do this.
The last "normal" girl I dated was the girl I almost married. I was going to, but the guilt from being the way I am just would not let me.
Oh, and in the meantime, as I started to mention in my last entry, my ex still thinks we're an item! Yea, she's one of the psycho ones, as you may have guessed. I left her over a year ago after she got physically violent with me (I don't hit girls) & tried to break up my best friend and I. We still have gotten fucked up and had sex though since the breakup. I guess she's seeing that as us being back together. I seriously need to find some herb!
mementos mori
2 years ago
2 comments:
I totally sympathize with the difficulty of dating "normals". My last boyfriend was one of those contributes-to-society always-on-the-level dudes, and I felt like I couldn't be myself with him. Like I was never really able to cennect. He did stabilize me though, so something to be said for that. Haha, crazy ex. Gotta love those...
And hey, anyone would live like a rock star if they could, ur just among the lucky.
Good points, lol. You are wise, my friend!
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