El Binge-a-dor

Yup, that's me - El Binge-a-dor. I (and all my co-workers) just got laid off on Monday, so I figured "fuck it, I might as well start a little trouble and have some fun". I met some dudes up in Pompano Beach who had coke and could get more. Needless to say, I made a b-line up to their place! There were three dudes, and they were all actually pretty cool. They had been partying with that shit for the last four days! So they were already pretty fucked up when I got there, but they had just purchased an 8, so we were in business. I told them I would chip in some cash for it, but all I had was a $100 bill. Again, I said "fuck it" and had them order another 8! It turned out to be a waste of money though because I was already so fucked up from the first one, that the 2d made little difference. Oh well, at least this time it did not feel like my palate was collapsing (I hate it when that happens!). As usual, I stayed until every last grain was snorted up. Afterwards, I went to ML's place. She HAD to know what I was doing, but I think she just chose not to say anything. We just kinda laid there for a while while I crashed (actually, I did not come down too hard this time either). Then I introduced her to The 69. Yes, she's actually never done a 69 before! I was also the first guy to fuck her in the ass not too long ago, lol. I love teaching people about kickass sex! I had a massive headache though the entire time (partially because I had not eaten anything). When I got home, I started an IV on myself and did feel better afterwards. I still feel rather shitty.

Tina wastes my entire day

So yesterday we were told at work that our office is closing in 3 weeks! Great. Needless to say, everyone was stressed and freaking out. Well, of course I used this as an excuse to find some sex & drugs! I did my little search ritual, and found a dude that was not too far from here and he partied. However, he did not have coke, but had Meth and G. "Fuck it, that'll work", I said to myself (I usually don't really like to do meth because of the way it makes me feel the following day). I drove up there and the place was beautiful! Anyway, we did some tina, which was actually quite good quality. Then he pulled out the G, and we did a shot each. Yea, that pretty much did it - I was in horny-land! We ended up calling the dude I had played with last week and inviting him over as well. It was actually a lot of fun (minus about 10 minutes or so, where I thought I was going to hurl - I think I did too much at once, yea - surprise, surprise, right?). So, we partied and played for a few hours, but the t ran out and it was getting really late, so I made my escape. On my way home, I could already feel the "crash" as my high faded. Needless to say, today has consisted literally of me laying in bed feeling like shit. I hate wasting an entire day like that. I must admit though, it was ALMOST worth it, lol.

Me, "G", and Hepa-C

I got maybe 3 hours of sleep before going to work yesterday. I did the usual, and counter-acted it with lots of caffeine, but by the end of the shift, I was getting really tired. I was removing an IV from a patient who was using a butterfly needle (we normally use regular angio's). So, I took out the needle and, without thinking, I started to wrap up the tubing along with all the other stuff we usually wrap up (which normally includes the plastic catheter at the end, not a needle) and stuck myself in the process. It was a small puncture, but enough to make me bleed some. I told LH (co-worker) about it, and she said "Please tell me it was NOT Mrs. [so & so]". I told her that it was. She said "FUCK!". Now, LH never swears, so I knew for sure something was terribly wrong. Yes, Mrs. So & So has hepatitis-c. I went to the ER, but they told me that there really was no point in doing blood tests until about 2 weeks when the antibodies show up if I have it. I'm staying positive for the most part, but it was not something I needed especially with all the other shit I have going on. I guess I'll find out in a couple weeks. I really don't think there was enough blood for actual transmission.

When I got home, I had a package waiting for me. Yup, it was my "skiing passes" from Mr. X. Of course, in my state of mind I immediately locked myself in my room and did some lines. There was not that much, but enough to get me to lose a lot of inhibition. I started watching some porn, but I could not get my mind off of sex with a man. I went online and found someone who was partying with "G". I had done that shit before and it was ok, so I took the offer. It was pretty much a lesser repeat of what happened last time I went to party here. I got really tired fast (no shit!), and the "G" just was not any match for my beloved White Devil. I left earlier than planned. On my way home, the guy I partied with last time called me and asked if I wanted to go over there and that he had some lines for us. I actually declined (after much consideration). I figured I REALLY needed to get some sleep. Yea, I got like 2 fucking hours - great! So, here's my insomniac-ass again writing and turning my wheels. What a day.

How can one resist a freebie???

I've been off the shit since my last post, with little cravings here and there, but nothing alarming. A few days after the last episode though, I got another call from Mr. X. He said that he was travelling and that he could hook me up with a freebie in a few days. Of course, I said yes. He can't stay, so this will actually be all mine. I'm considering doing it next time ML comes over, but I probably won't since she can pretty much read me like a book! I may just do it and watch some porn or something. Hmmm...speaking of porn...I'm gonna go now;)

Well, it would have been, could have been worse than you would ever know

So, as you can tell from my last post, the crave hit me like a sucker punch. I did end up making a connection that actually materialized. It started off with a bang. The guy I met insisted that putting the coke inside of a cigarette with some tobacco was the best way to do it. Well, I took a few puffs and felt a rush, but not like the normal snorting kind of rush. This was BAD! I felt really light-headed, and then had to make a run to meet the Porcelain God. That's when I decided that snorting would be the way to go. Other than that little incident, the first hour or so was great. I was in "the zone" and everything was great. But after that, the same things started happening as used to happen 2 months ago when I was hardcore. I began caring more about the coke than the sex, and just wanted to consume more and more. I ended up doing about the same amount that I was doing 2 months ago, which really kicked my ass! Towards the end, I was on the verge of tears. He wanted me to stay there until he was sure I could drive, but I just had to get out of there, so I left. On my way home, I tried calling RM, but there was no answer. It was about 6:30am here, which would make it 5:30 in Chicago. I then called ML because I needed to talk to someone and I had to straighten shit out with her anyway. I asked her if she could come over, and she did. When she got here, I told her that I had done coke and she was upset. I told her that the reason I did it was because I was upset about her lying to me about her age (I did not mention the other alleged accusations). She immediately became very defensive and said that she never discussed her age with me, even though I recall her telling me she was 37 (although, I'm honestly not sure that even took place). We got into our first argument, and it was ugly for some time. After laying next to each other, we were able to look past it and ended up having incredible sex. I mean INCREDIBLE sex!! Afterwards, we even had ourselves laughing so hard we were crying. All in all, I think this was a positive day. I'm glad that my little coke fiasco went badly. I'm even glad I threw up. Perhaps I've developed a taste aversion! So I fell off the bandwagon - big deal. It happens to everyone. As long as I am committed to improving my life, I will be just fine. As far as ML, my gut feeling is that she is a good person trying to do her best in life.

The Empire Strikes Back

Okay, so this last little episode has got my will weakened. Shortly after, I'm back online looking to go skiing. I'm speaking to someone that seems promising. I talked to him earlier and he told me he would call me back within an hour or so. I've got $50 left to my name, and I'm planning on blowing it all tonite for some fun. I don't even know how I'm going to get through next week without any money, but I know I will manage somehow. It's been almost 2 months since I've done anything. I'm rationalizing that I should let myself have a little fun. I guess we'll see how it goes. These skiing arrangements rarely actually work out. I won't lie - I really hope it does!

Trouble in Paradise

Well, what's a relationship without a little drama, right? Last night, The Troll (my dad's wife, who is part owner of the place my new girlfriend lives in) made my girlfriend cry by intentionally saying some very nasty and calculating things. She (my girlfriend, we will call "ML") called me crying and I gave her my full support and vowed revenge on The Troll. ML came over this morning and we made love again, and mutually used the "L" word for the first time. I called my dad to tell him that I was NOT going to come by today because I did not feel comfortable around The Troll. We talked about what happened last night, and what I found out from him was very disappointing. First, he is convinced that ML is an alcoholic. I sort of suspected it at first, but when I told ML that The Troll was calling her an alcoholic, she took offense and denied it. However, there could be some good evidence to the contrary. My dad says that ML drank almost all his alcohol and has had to hide it from her. Also, one day when I was there, ML had bought them both bottles of Jack Daniels out of the blue (an admission of guilt?). Secondly, I found out that ML is 13 years older than me, and 10 years older than she told me she was! When my dad told me that, I did not believe him, but just to check, he went and looked at her rental application where they had a copy of her driver's license, and there it was - born in 1960. That makes her 48 next month! Last, but not least, I foud out that she has come on to my dad 3 times in the past. And, the last time apparently was pretty bad according to my dad (he spared me the details). I'm in a state of shock and disappointment. I've tried calling my best friend (RM), but cannot get in touch with her. To top things off, it has been raining cats and dogs outside. Gotta have a little visual effect, I guess.